Often I will hear, “You are so intuitive! You said just the right words to me.” Yes, I use my intuition, but what I am really doing is paying close attention to what people say, and then reflecting their own words back to them so they can hear them.
We are constantly telling ourselves the old stories about who we are and what is possible for us. Those stories are so old that we think they are the truth about us, and we have stopped questioning it. We have stopped even hearing it.
Our old stories are usually family beliefs that have been handed down through the generations. “You’ll never amount to anything.” “Don’t make waves. It’s dangerous to be noticed.” “If it is not perfect it’s not good enough/you’re not good enough.”
These thoughts are familiar, well grooved neural pathways in our brains. When something happens, we know how to respond – just follow the habitual path, the writings on our walls that tell us how we are “supposed” to react.
But – we can forge new pathways!
“How can I turn something that is good into something so awful?”
Last week I got this email from a client who had just found out that she passed her Advanced EFT Certification exam, and she was suddenly panicking!
Rue,
I passed the Advanced EFT test. This is a good thing. But here is the “but”: I am all wrapped up in fear now that I know that I passed the test! Now I have to do something with it and it is very scary to me.
I have noticed that my voice is smaller now than what it was before. I don’t understand that, after all the tapping that we did yesterday on finding my voice. I don’t have a clue how I am going to move into doing something productive with EFT when I am such a mess myself. I am hiding and I don’t like it but I am scared to move out of it. What a dilemma. Talk about being reversed.
Sometimes I just want to chuck it all. It would be easier to get a crappy job and even that is scary to me. I don’t get that either. I have worked since I was 15, thirty years of it at one place, one would think that I would certainly be used to being around people. The part about asking people to be a reference for me is the worst part.
I feel like an egg beater inside with all of this emotion running around. I guess the biggest thing is that I am angry with myself because of all of this conflicting emotion. Yes, I am getting something out of all of this. I don’t have to risk putting myself out there, when I don’t have a clue of how to get started, and I get to stay here at home hiding from everyone but I hate it. I guess I just like sitting and whining. It makes me feel important.
I feel like the biggest mess in the whole world. I am mad at myself, I think, for all of this and for passing that test – but, I also wanted to pass it.
I went down to Hospice today to do my volunteer duties. The volunteer coordinator was on vacation, which I knew. I was supposed to use her office as always and type up the newsletter. She had all of the stuff ready for me; as she said she would, but her office was being used by other people and there wasn’t anyplace for me to work, so I came home. This upset me also. I know it doesn’t have anything to do with me in my head but I feel like this little kid that didn’t matter again. Will I ever get over this?
Thanks for listening. How can I turn something that is good into something so awful?”
Listen to your Self
I sent back a big Congratulations (big! 72 pt font!), along with the following suggestion for tapping. When people ask how to create set up statements, I suggest that they write out, off the top of their head, everything they are thinking and feeling about their issue.
I tell them to include all the “Yes, but’s…” all the “I’m mad about…, I worry about…, I am afraid to…, I am afraid that…, What if…, It makes me so sad that…” Then I divide what they wrote up into sentences and phrases. This can create perfect EFT set up statements. But you don’t necessarily have to do each of these as an individual set-up statement – you could repeat a different statement at each point as you tap.
If there is a strong resonance to a particular phrase, I might keep tapping on the point we were on and talk about it with the client. Sometimes we just tap through the points while we talk. There are no rules about how to do this “right”!
This is what I sent back to my client. Note that this tapping sequence would make a perfect routine for all kinds of issues. Just slot your own issue in here…
Even though:
I am all wrapped up in fear now that I know that I passed the test…
Now I have to do something with it and it is very scary to me…
I have noticed that my voice is smaller now than what it was before…
I don’t understand, after all the tapping that we did yesterday on my voice…
I don’t have a clue how I am going to move into doing something productive with EFT when I am such a mess myself…
I am hiding and I don’t like it but I am scared to move out of it…
I have this dilemma…
I am reversed…
Sometimes I just want to chuck it all…
It would be easier to get a crappy job and even that is scary to me…
I don’t get that either…
I have worked since I was 15, thirty years of it at one place, one would think that I would certainly be use to being around people…
The part about asking people to be a reference for me is the worst part…
I feel like an egg beater inside with all of this emotion running around…
I guess the biggest thing is that I am angry with myself because of all of this conflicting emotion…
I am getting something out of all of this…
I don’t have to risk putting myself out there, when I don’t have a clue of how to get started, and I get to stay here at home hiding from everyone but I hate it…
I guess I just like sitting and whining it makes me feel important…
I feel like the biggest mess in the whole world and I am mad at myself I think for all of this and for passing that test…
I also wanted to pass it…
I went down to Hospice today and there wasn’t anyplace for me to work, so I came home. This upset me also…
I know it doesn’t have anything to do with me in my head but I feel like this little kid that didn’t matter again…
I worry: Will I ever get over this?…
How can I turn something that is good into something so awful?…
…Still, I love and accept myself enough to choose ______________ instead.
I understand and forgive myself.
I am doing the best I can.
I am willing to surrender what I thought I knew to open to a deeper truth about myself.
Etc.
Step Off the Beaten Path
Our tapping together later ranged back to the source of her fear that she could never make anything of herself: her abusive family, a demanding, critical father and an angry but passive mother. The whole family history, even back through their ancestry, was about people being beaten down and then turning around to beat down those who came after them. She admitted sadly that she had even treated her own adult daughter this way as a child, and now watched with deep pain her daughter‘s treatment of her children.
As we tapped, something she said made the phrase “Step off the beaten path” pop into my head. I worked it into our tapping, thinking what a great title for a teleclass that would be. (stay tuned…!)
I could see her whole being shift as she took in the real possibility of stepping out of an old way of thinking about herself, reconsidering who she was. She may not have noticed yet, but she was starting a new story.
EFT Changes the Structure of the Brain
When this happens, EFT has actually changed the structure of the brain. It disconnects our emotional responses from our memories by interrupting the old habitual neural pathways. We still have our memories, but they take on a new meaning in our thinking. We are free to think well of ourselves if we choose to. (“Choose” is the operative word here! Remember what my client said about “getting something out of this” old restricted way of thinking about herself.)
I drew on that wonderfully evocative phrase, “Step off of the Beaten Path” again in another session a few days later. This client wanted to deal with a terrible actual physical beating that happened at the hands of her father when she was 6. It was a powerful and awful event that left her with a concussion.
She was told that she had not seen what she had seen, and did not feel what she felt, and it was her fault anyway and she did not deserve to live. She had been reliving this story and all it meant about her all her life.
We worked with EFT’s story-telling technique, slowly, bit by bit, tapping for only tiny moments of the story at a time until she was able to tell each small detail in sequence without her body going rigid with terror and shutting down.
Near the end of this session, the phrase “Step off the beaten path” came into my mind again, and again I wove it in to the tapping phrases. This time I invited this client to choose a different path, and to name it in her own words.
We tapped for “Even though this happened, I choose now to step off the beaten path, and step on to my own path, where I belong, where I know that I DO deserve to live, in peace and comfort and at home in my body. That was then, and this is now.”
It was not an easy one-minute wonder session, but we both worked hard, and by the time we finished she was both radiant and thoughtful.
Choosing a Different Path
As we grow in EFT we are helping each other, all over the globe, to step off of those old beaten down, judgmental, self critical paths. We are transforming humanity’s old habitually toxic neural pathways. Let’s forge a new way of being human together. We can do this. We ARE doing this!
As this newsletter develops, let me know what you think. I love hearing from you, and I will read every comment you send. I’m sorry I won’t be able to respond to each of you individually. I may, however, create some newsletter articles out of people’s responses or questions. I truly mean for this newsletter to be useful to you, so I want to know what interests you.
With my love and blessings all around,
Rue
