ARE YOU WILLING TO EMBRACE CHANGE?

We shape ourselves and our lives through our desires and wants.  When we want something, we are asking for change. This is how Life itself shapes itself.

But sometimes a person wants something, and then backs off, saying “I’m not worthy.” I believe that what they may really be feeling deep inside is a fear of change.  Often when I am working with people individually, under their words I am hearing them say,  “I don’t know who will I be without this pain/trouble/challenge…”

Even though the situation that they want to change may be painful  or uncomfortable, it is familiar.  It is an identity.  Sometime people create an identity out of seeking what they want in a way that blocks the actual manifestation.  Because if they got what they want, well, now what?  Who will I be now?  It is as if they have lost a sense of purpose.

It is scary to think of leaving the familiar and venturing into the unknown, where you no longer know how to respond or act, or what is expected.  When you move on, or move up, maybe more will be asked of you.  You may feel more vulnerable, more open to criticism.  There are new responsibilities associated with the new identity that can arrive when you “get what you want.”  It might be too much, you think.  Yikes, that is scary…. Maybe I had better not want so much after all…  And of course, many of us were taught as children not to want at all.

There is an organ in our brains called the amygdala, that alerts us to something different in our environment by setting off inner alarms that escalate into fear.  It is a primitive part of the brain that used to keep us aware of danger.  Now that it doesn’t usually have lions in the underbrush to warn us about, the amygdala can lurch into action at the slightest suggestion of change.  We can become quite adept at keeping the amygdala quiet, not realizing that we are limiting our possibilities.

Check out this  wonderful, easy-to-read book called One Small Step Can Change Your Life, by Robert Maurer, about how to fly under the radar of your amygdala with ridiculously small steps of change.  Easy to read, highly recommended!

Astronomers have another way to express this idea:  they are always on the lookout for what they call the Goldilocks principle. This is their term for the range around a sun that provides the ideal conditions for the flourishing of life on a planet.

Allowing a harmonious emergence of something new, when it just feels like things are stuck, is always about finding movement in small steps in the Goldilocks range.

Here is a client talking about this in an email to me.  I love her descriptive phrases.

Here’s some thoughts on Unblocking.  This AM I had one of those “foot nailed to the floor” moments. Felt like everything was shouting at me to deal with it, but I couldn’t budge.  Even the plants were yelling for water. Especially the plants, with quite a judgmental message about what an unfair caretaker I can be! I was paralyzed. I couldn’t begin.  

But, the breakthrough was to grab the broom. Take a step! Sweeping was therapeutic and broke the blockage.  

Also, I’ve learned to notice the words of the song that is running in my head at the moments I’m stuck. So often, there’s a message for me. The answer. Or at least a hint of ‘Now what?’

We grow up learning to look outside ourselves for permission to participate in our own lives.  I believe that it is the spiritual challenge of our time to be a willing partner in our change and growth, rather than seeing ourselves stuck as a child, or a victim, or helpless.

Sometimes I teach a class that I call Flow.  It is about learning to embrace change by learning, as Gandhi said, to BE the change you want to see.  I received this wonderful response from one of the participants after the class completed.  I thought she really understood this concept.

When I am out of flow — I lose track of my life, my goals, my relationships – everything fades into the background as I focus on pushing through (rather than flowing with) a challenge before me. When I am not in flow, I am not open or allowing. I feel like I give in to a inner gloomy naysayer/worrier and hear the tape in my head repeating all the negative mantras about everything in my life – my finances are not sustaining… I am not good enough… I am not lovable and certainly not capable… I am too old to keep up or start anything new… 

And with every repeat of the old sorry records, my energy is drained further. Where the leaves me, then, is out of gas.

In this class I was able to acknowledge the seed of my own manifestation focus that started out so tenuously.  It has now blossomed into growing confidence, and more importantly, acceptance that I feel so coherent with my identity now…I can honestly say that I have never felt that before in my life and it changes everything from the way I walk to how I see obstacles to a feeling of leadership growing within me. 

I do feel like I have stepped into the stream of flow of my life message (that began with putting increasingly more complex jigsaw puzzles together and feeling so delightedly accomplished as I did). What is the most amazing thing for me – I can now say what I do and why I do it – without hesitation, and with such joy to have found my path. 

Life depends on continually renewing movement, and tapping is a good flow-restorer.

Here is a suggestion. Take apart this quote above, and formulate phrases from it into EFT tapping set-ups. In the first half of the passage there are lots of phrases that could be slotted into “Even though…” statements. Add anything else that comes to mind about your own situation.

 Use the phrases in the second part of the passage to replace “Even though” with “Especially because…” statements  for tapping.  Add your own thoughts too.

Or, you could create the second half of the EFT set up phrase by using the positive reframes from the quote, or your own thoughts, like this:  Even though  I feel like I give in to the inner gloomy naysayer/worrier tape in my head, I honor myself for how difficult it is for my life to flow when I tell myself those things, and now I want to  choose thoughts that are coherent with my identity now, and give me a feeling of flow inside. 

Just make sure that you first explore inside yourself what “coherent with my identity” means for you.  Be specific about how this feels in your body.  How do you know when you are being coherent with your identity?  That is a huge important question!

If you would like some help doing this, send me an email about it or respond in the Comments section below.  We can set up a private session if you would like deeper more effective work with these thoughts about wanting and change and flow.