Do you tend to be hard on yourself?
If you listened in on your internal self talk, could you hear a story of “bad me bad me,” or “oh woe is me woe is me”?

What is the story you have been telling yourself?

What is the story you are feeding?  (The fed ones survive and thrive…)

Think of something you want, or want to do.
What is your story about the bad thing that will happen if you do or have that?

Remember that thoughts are not facts. And beliefs are basically thoughts that you keep repeating.

When you are telling yourself a story, and you tell it to yourself and other people a lot, it becomes absolutely true for your subconscious mind.  It becomes a magnet, attracting more of what is like the story.  The job of our unconscious minds is to try to make what we think about come true.  It doesn’t make judgements about whether what we want will actually be good for us.

So, if we tend to tell a suffering story, we will tend to get more of the same.  And then it just seems true—there it is, this is bad, look how bad it is, it has been this way a long time, it is probably not going to get better, it will just get worse…woe is me.  Or it is all my fault, bad me.

There are some wonky benefits that can come from telling such a story.  You get attention, especially from yourself, you might get offers of help, you might get a certain sense of purpose in your life as you try to find ways to fix the problem.  Sometimes this backfires, though.  There might be a barely heard whisper inside, saying “But…who will I be without this identity of the fix-seeker?  I don’t know how to be without that.”  And so it goes on.

Here are some tapping ways to approach changing your story about your life—if you want to!

You can do classic EFT, which can be very effective.  I especially recommend classic EFT when you are new to tapping, if you are tapping on your own without the help of a practitioner.  For complex issues, I always recommend working with someone else who can hold the space for you, so that you can just be in the process.

Or—and this is generally my favorite way to tap—

Start out by just talking to yourself aloud while you tap on the side of your hand, and/or tap through the points.

Justify being hard on yourself, being critical of yourself, feeling overwhelmed by the suffering.  Actually go there. Cry.  Rage. Put your depression into words. When you look around there is lots of evidence that your story is true.

Tell your “bad me, bad me” story as convincingly as you can.

Talk about why your “woe is me” story feels so true.

As you continually tap, remember all those times when…or that one terrible time when…

Now—say an all important word:  “Hmmm…”

Let your mind drift into a curious, wondering state. Actually say, “I wonder…”  or   “What if…”

Just rest there for a minute, letting something new bloom into your awareness.  Check your inner landscape for new possibilities that might want to bloom. Write down any fleeting thoughts and images that you notice.

Now, you might do more of a tapping routine.  In the tapping phrases below, I haven’t included a tapping point linked to each phrase, because personally I just like to say the phrase, and then tap through all the points, still saying what is coming up in my mind, until I can’t think of anything else to mention or feel about that thought.

Sometimes, if one point feels particularly comforting, I will linger on it, tapping and talking to myself.  This way of tapping feels more fluid to me.  Each of these statements can spark many thoughts and memories.  So you might not go through the whole tapping routine, just work with what is coming up right now.

Do this tapping routine as many times as you want to.  Change the words to fit your own situation.  Be sure to incorporate any feelings, thoughts or images from the continual Talking-Story Tapping.

Tap on the side of your hand

 Even though I’ve been telling a story about who I am, and what happened to me, and what that means about me, and what is possible for me… I understand that I have been doing this, and…I appreciate my creativity.

Even though I have spent most of my life shutting down to avoid being in trouble, I honor myself for wanting to protect myself. 

Even though my stories about what might happen if I stand up for myself or stand out have been limiting for me… I accept myself anyway, and I want to begin to stand in a deeper place in myself now… I’m willing to consider releasing these stories…. and just stay with what I know deep inside to be true about me.

Begin tapping the points  (these are some comments that have been sent to me)
All my life, I have wished I was invisible – 

 It was because I wanted to be safe! 

 I am now be ready to deal with this fear

The pecking order went like this – “If there’s something wrong, it’s your fault. 

You’re older and should know better.”

My mother and father denied that anything bad had happened, so I had to too – so it all became invisible

I am someone who other people think of as a nice or a good person, yet I feel like I have this unforgivable event hanging over me.

I’d like to start opening up to feeling like I still deserve respect and that I’m not lazy. 

I want to open to the possibility that I do have a purpose and that people can see that and sense my inner light.

I”d like to begin to forgive that part of me 

I’d like to restore my power, strength, abundance, youth, love, joy, hope, vitality and self-confidence… 

It flowed so strongly in me. 

I know it’s still in me and I’m ready to welcome it back!

Add your own thoughts here.

Continue tapping:

Hmmm…

I wonder…

The events that created those stories are no longer happening

What I am experiencing is an echo of those past times

Maybe the people in my life were actually doing the best they could from their own limited map of the world at the time…. 

Maybe even I was doing the best I could….

Now I am free to choose a different story that feels better…

I am free to choose different behaviors that get better results

I’m ready to consider releasing my self blame story…

Maybe I am ready to let my self be who I am, 

Maybe I can practice finding and accepting the good that is in me

I like to end tapping sessions with some or all of these next thoughts. You might rub your sternum area gently in a circle toward the left shoulder as you say and visualize these statements:

There is power in my smallest moments

A single word or action can set vast changes into motion

I can have faith in what can unfold

I don’t even need to know what it will be

I am curious to find out!

I can call on the spiritual forces of creativity, joy and beauty

I can trust these forces, they are my spiritual birthright

I am willing to take a chance

I am willing to step out in any direction to get energy moving

When there is movement, I will be able to see what I want

When there is movement, I will be able to see what I need to do

When the energy is moving I can influence the outcome

I can make a choice about my authentic self and path without even clearly seeing my true self or path…

 I can feel it.

There is a presence of abundance and fertility in my life

Here is a field to be plowed and seeds to be planted

The field is rich in the promise of growth

I have the gift of space and a place to grow

This is my threshold

It is my opportunity to find my own way,

It is my opportunity to offer my gift in my own way

Breathe, stretch, drink some water.
Check inside and notice what is happening.
Notice what is different about your story now.
Tap some more for particularly triggering thoughts or memories connected to your story.

Holding blame or keeping yourself shut down just kills you slowly over time.
Hanging on to blame releases a constant cascade of toxic chemicals in your body.
The solution is always to put how you feel first—care about how you feel.

Take care of yourself!

(For a good, free, basic manual to learn about tapping, that also shows the tapping points:  http://www.eftfree.net/get-the-eftfree-manual-2/ )